Did You Know That I’m a Gopher?

Aside from relationship with Jesus – food, water, shelter, and community are essential needs in life.

I realize that’s a bold statement – to put community alongside water – but for me, it’s become a truth. 

We were made in heaven from relationship, for relationship. It’s even in our trinitarian DNA!

One of my favorite movies puts it this way… “There is a longing in the deepest parts of us — to belong. The hope that there is a table somewhere, around which we might actually be comfortable in our own skin. We don’t have to hide. We don’t have to keep our secrets. There’s always been a community of relationship. We are designed for that.” – The Heart of Man

In college, the Lord blessed me with older friends and mentors that gave me an incredible example of what it’s like to live and fight for each other in community. Some of them even moved their families across the country to do life together. Talk about fighting for something you value!

I moved to Indianapolis after college and made plenty of friends – guys I worked with, people I met through professional connections, and I even attended a small group with my church. But I knew there was more. I was looking for a specific type of community. One where “what you have to offer” isn’t even a thought, where you belong because you belong, where you are able to BE who you are, and where who you are isn’t just accepted but celebrated.

I know this may sound “touchy feely” or “taboo” for men, but to put it real – I wanted more than water-cooler broships. I had blind spots in my life, was carrying a lot of past hurts, and I knew that I would never be all God created me to be on my own. It became a daily prayer for me – “Jesus, I believe you want community for us. Show me the people and I will love them with all I have.”

And then slowly – 1 by 1 – Jesus highlighted people in my life. Some were “friends” I have had for years and others were guys I had only recently met. Over the next 3 years a supernatural group formed. It wasn’t how I thought it had to happen – by joining a church life group together or sitting around and talking about a book – but by going through hard seasons of life together and being there to remind each other who God says we are and who He created us to be. Group texts became active daily, inside jokes became norms, and our “Gopher Seal Team” was formed (the name is an inside joke).

Although we are more separated by distance than ever, our community works because WE ARE ALL-IN. We are currently in Indiana, Georgia, Alabama, North Carolina, Kenya, and me in a different country every month. Like anything in life, you have to determine “Does this have value to me?” If the answer is yes, then you have to be willing to do all you can to fight for it.

For us, fighting for it has looked like staying up until 1 am to talk because of time differences, sending an “SOS” and seeing our group text flood with prayers, and even five of us deciding to take a trip to Mexico for 7 days last summer. We did worship every morning, listening prayer for each other, and each of us gave a talk on what the Lord was teaching us in that season. Since we don’t all live in the same city, getting away on retreat each year is something we’ve decided is a non-negotiable for really doing life together. We can’t let excuses get in the way of something that’s so essential to living in the freedom of Christ.

Our personalities, occupations, political opinions, and walks with Jesus range widely but our dedication to fighting for each other supersedes everything. We decided that we didn’t just want to verbally commit to a “men’s group” but call it a seal team inspired by the intentionality and practice of some of the world’s most elite combat fighters. So we “coined it”. Each of us have been asked, face to face, man to man – “I need you. Will you be in my corner? Will you fight for me?” – and have received/given a wholehearted yes. We even have metal challenge coins we carry to remind us of the commitment we’ve made. The symbolism on both sides of the coin is deeply rooted in what we believe community with Jesus at the center looks like.

Why do I share this special piece of my life? Because community isn’t something I believe in because The World Race told me to value it. The Race has only confirmed and helped amplify it’s value in my life. I’ve gone out and tried to grind out life alone and experienced what it’s like to get my butt handed to me. When the enemy can convince us that we’re all alone, we are most vulnerable to losing sight of who God is and who He created us to be. Moving across the country to live in community may not be what the Lord has for you, but I am convinced He still wants FULL community for you wherever you are. The fruit is EXTRAVAGANT and it’s worth doing everything you can to find.

So start small. Ask the Lord to highlight one person and then find a way to intentionally ask them, 1 on 1 – “Will you fight for me?” … and be ready to do the same for them.

The man of too many friends [chosen indiscriminately] will be broken in pieces and come to ruin, But there is a [true, loving] friend who sticks closer than a brother. – Proverbs 18:24