Goodbyes Are Especially Hard for Me

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

– Oceans (Where Feet May Fail), Hillsong United

Oceans is one of my favorite worship songs. The melody and lyrics are beautiful, and it is so easy to get swept up in the message of the song. If I’m being honest though, I never sang the song with full conviction. I loved the idea of the lyrics, but actually letting God lead me into the waves… that’s scary. I have never wanted to fully surrender because what if God’s plans don’t line up with the plans I have made for myself? What if He asks me to do something out of my comfort zone?

Saying YES to the World Race was a scary decision, but I felt such an overwhelming peace and comfort about it. As we have been preparing and fundraising all these months, obviously the Race was real to me, but it was still so far off that it seemed almost like a hypothetical. This past month has been full of goodbyes, all of them especially hard and emotional for me. I have said goodbye to my volleyball team that I played with every week for three years. 

We said goodbye to our little brother Logan, who has grown up before our eyes.

I said goodbye to itown Church, which gave me a home when I did not know anyone in Indy. I said goodbye to my small group, which has given me a group of women that   have been so life giving and encouraging, especially during this season of surrender.

We said goodbye to our house, which was our first real home, and hosted so many friends, family, and wonderful memories. I said goodbye to IUPUI and all of my coworkers, who have turned into family and made going to work an absolute joy.

While I hate goodbyes, I have been so blessed to have found a place that makes having to say goodbye so hard. Everyone has been so supportive during this journey, and I know that they will be thinking, praying, and following us this next year.

As I was driving away from Indy for the last time, Oceans came on my Spotify playlist. As I let the song wash over me, I was overwhelmed by God’s goodness, even through this scary, uncomfortable season. This decision has tested our reliance on God and put into practice truly surrendering to His plans.

We don’t know what this next year has for us, but we are trusting that it will be good because He says that He is good.

I know I have several goodbyes to go in the coming weeks, and I am not looking forward to them, but I will have the words of this song running through my mind – “my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior”. Even though we haven’t left yet, we are starting to feel the fullness of truly letting go and letting God lead us to where our trust is without borders. It is so scary, especially for someone like me who likes control, but it has also been so freeing.

I can’t wait for this year of fewer distractions, and more Jesus. More time for intentional study of God’s Word, more time to engage in conversation with Him, and more time to listen to His words of guidance and calling. I know this year will be a challenge being away from everyone I love, but when God calls us, we must go. And I am expectantly waiting for his abundance to show up in a big way this year!